Challenging Anti-Obesity Bias: A Rational View of Social Exclusion and Self-Worth

Controlling factors that cause escape

Go back to the "Thoughts and Feelings" section, but this time choose only one negative thought about your body and look for events related to that thought. For example, if you think your dimpled thighs are ugly, ask yourself what you think will happen, or what you will do. In your notebook, write precisely down what you think will happen because of your dissatisfaction with certain body parts.

Recall the evidence of discrimination against overweight people discussed in Chapter Seven. This discrimination is based on the principle that any rational person can be slim if they try. While you may have experienced discrimination because of your size, you don't hear rude comments every day. What happens daily is the promotion of discrimination and anti-obesity theories that have become ingrained in your self-awareness.

Sociologist Natalie Allon says, "It is not surprising that many fat people are filled with self-deprecation and self-loathing due to the many negative views they hold. They are disadvantaged in three ways: (1) they are discriminated against; (2) they have become accustomed to believing that they deserve to be discriminated against; and (3) they have begun to accept the injustices they are treated as justice."

If you've already accepted the biases surrounding obesity, you're at least accepting a common argument about weight: people will reject me because I'm overweight, and that my weight is due to psychological issues (I have a nervous food addiction), negative personality traits (I'm weak and lazy), or moral failings (I can't resist temptation). Below, we'll offer a more rational explanation of these arguments.

Social exclusion: Some people might make rude comments, embarrass you in front of others, or avoid connecting with you. While these outcomes are possible, ask yourself how often they occur. If you're self-conscious about your thighs, it's easy to assume everyone else is focused on them. This is rarely true. Remember, body unease is quite common among white women, so any colleague's attention is likely more focused on their overall appearance than on your thighs. Sometimes you might encounter a rude person commenting on you, but he or she might be immature, angry, or jealous. Either way, I doubt you'd want this person to seriously affect your feelings.

Mental Illness: Examine Your Thinking. Do you view your difficulty controlling your cravings as addiction, neurosis, or other mental illness? You might be surprised to learn that the legally mandated Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR) includes anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa in its list of eating disorders, but does not list obesity as a mental illness or addiction. Furthermore, research suggests that, apart from binge eating associated with depression, obesity itself is not related to any type of mental illness.

Negative personality traits: Do you view your less-than-perfect body as an insurmountable personality flaw, leading you to believe you are worthless? Even if you don't have a mental illness, perhaps you believe your imperfect personality traits (laziness, cowardice, stupidity, low self-esteem) are the cause of your weight problem? Similarly, research has not consistently found a link between any personality trait and obesity. Whether you are lazy, cowardly, etc., your weight is unlikely to reflect any of these traits. While you may sometimes need to remind yourself that your weight and body shape are determined by genetics and physical intelligence, there is no evidence that they are related to personality traits.

Moral Weakness: You may not consider mental illness or personality traits, but you believe weight is a result of moral failings. After all, overeating is a transgression, and many words used by dieters express the immorality of gaining weight. If you cheat in your diet by eating "forbidden" or "illegal" foods (sinful sweets), then your excess weight is visible evidence of your sin. For some religious fundamentalists, dieting is a form of struggle against temptation and the attainment of virtue and salvation. Even if you accept this principle, it's difficult to understand why some people are genetically predisposed to such a difficult struggle, while a lucky few achieve salvation with relatively little effort.

If you recognize that the arguments mentioned above-social exclusion, mental illness, negative personal traits, or moral weaknesses-exist when considering your weight issues, the next step is to develop dissenting thoughts to counter these irrational arguments. While I've pointed out several irrational arguments in negative views about the body above, you should develop your own personalized dissenting thoughts. For example, if you believe your body is evidence of laziness, you should remind yourself of experiences where you did a difficult or unpleasant task despite not wanting to.

Carolyn is a 31-year-old working woman with two young boys. One night, she didn't get to sleep until 3 a.m. while caring for her 9-year-old son, Josh, who had a severe cough. When her alarm rang the next morning, she forced herself to get up and go to work. However, because of her body mass index of 29 and her dislike of her body, Carolyn assumed she must be lazy. This view was irrational; if she were truly lazy, she would call in sick and take a day to catch up on her sleep.

Write down two realistic observations about your body in your notebook that are completely different from your previous observations.

While this process requires careful attention and repetition, try to capture all your negative thoughts and replace them with more rational ones. If you are alone, stating your rational thoughts aloud can be helpful.

Check if there is a habit of repeatedly checking one's body.

Some people avoid scales and mirrors, while others have a compulsive urge to repeatedly check their appearance or seek confirmation. For example, before going out, do you try on several outfits and look in the mirror to determine which one best hides your belly? Have you ever asked your spouse, "Does this make me look fat?" If you are a frequent checker, ask yourself if this activity is helpful to you.

When I discussed this issue with Caroline, a 31-year-old career woman, she realized that emotions have a significant impact on her dissatisfaction with her appearance. If she's unhappy for any reason, she's even more dissatisfied with her appearance. Ask yourself if repeatedly looking in the mirror makes you feel better. Does examining your appearance bring you any benefits?

Generally, checking or seeking confirmation of your body weight is fruitless because it only focuses your attention on parts you dislike while ignoring parts you like. It's impossible for your buttocks or belly to show significant changes after the last check; it only serves as a reminder of your dissatisfaction with your body. This only leads to frustration and reduces your motivation to form new eating habits. Therefore, don't persist in this useless habit; instead, limit your checks. If you weigh yourself frequently, try to reduce the frequency. Once a week is usually best, as frequent weighing can cause you to focus on insignificant and potentially distracting small fluctuations in weight. After you're dressed, a quick glance in the mirror is sufficient, but look at your whole body, not just the parts you dislike. Make sure to treat your good features equally, and once you've looked, leave without returning to the mirror or seeking confirmation from others.

Pretend to like your body while doing it

You might have some irrational beliefs about your body, and once you start to challenge those beliefs, it becomes easier to participate in activities you've been avoiding. Now, let's go back to the six things you listed earlier-things you either haven't done because of your body, or things that your body compels you to do. Rank them by difficulty, with 1 being the easiest and 6 the least desirable. For example, standing upright without contracting your stomach might be the easiest thing on your list, while dancing at a party or lying on the beach in a swimsuit with a group of friends might be the least desirable.

Your assignment is to complete the activities on your list from easy to difficult. If you find yourself anxious, filled with fear, or repeatedly procrastinating on an activity, examine your thoughts about it. You'll likely find escapist thoughts in your mind. To reduce the discomfort this assignment causes, you need to make an extra effort to remind yourself of rational thoughts you've previously encountered that differ from this one.

The final exercise might be a little daunting because it requires you to display your body in an unusually sophisticated way to attract attention. For example, instead of wearing loose, baggy clothes, wear a fitted suit, or tuck your shirt into your pants to prevent it from hanging loosely. Go for a walk in shorts. The goal isn't to show off, but to make you feel comfortable with your body, even when you know others are present.

Once you can easily perform the above exercises, you can go to a store to buy clothes and try on some, asking the salesperson how they look on you. You may not get honest answers, but that's okay. The intention of asking is to feel relaxed knowing that others are watching you. If this exercise seems impossible, you need to do something to change your mindset. Once you overcome the negative thoughts caused by being overweight, you will be able to comfortably describe your body in precise, neutral terms, without feeling uncomfortable even when others are looking at you.