Companion System: The Power to Gain Support from Others

Seeking support from others

I can go two weeks without running. But if I've made plans to go jogging with Victoria, I have to go, no excuses, and no backing out. We always help each other out, and I don't want to let her down. Whenever I feel like eating something, I call her. I don't even need to say much; just hearing her voice makes me feel better because I know she understands how I feel.

------Mary

Connections with friends and family offer greater comfort and therapeutic benefits than food. When you need support, you can obtain the right therapeutic connection and support through this method, as the calming effect of supportive words from friends differs from stress eating.

Here, you can seek comforting support from people, which is a healthy approach. Don't be afraid to rely on relationships when you're stressed. If you don't have many friends or you're introverted, that's okay. It's not the quantity of friends that's therapeutic, but the quality and depth of those relationships. You can find this supportive connection in many ways.

It's crucial to connect with the right people and avoid the wrong ones. The wrong people include friends and family who make you feel guilty and influence you to do things you don't want to do. They might be overly critical or tell you you're not good enough, making you feel terrible. While you can't sever their connection to your life, you can control how much time you spend with them and the extent of their influence on your life.

You need to balance self-soothing and comforting others. Friends and family can offer helpful perspectives, encouragement, and supportive words. But you also need to know how to calm yourself when you're alone. At the same time, don't expect to rely on friends too often. This will also help you learn how to utilize the comfort you receive from your loved ones. In other words, don't worry about being alone or far from those who care about you. You can still use some techniques in these situations.

Companion System

I can go two weeks without running. But if I've made plans to go jogging with Victoria, I have to go, no excuses, and no backing out. We always help each other out, and I don't want to let her down. Whenever I feel like eating something, I call her. I don't even need to say much; just hearing her voice makes me feel better because I know she understands how I feel.

------Mary

Mary has benefited greatly from the peer support system. She has teamed up with her friend and colleague, Chelsea. They support each other and confide their anxieties. Despite their different lives, they are both struggling with overeating and exercise. Mary is married and has just had a child. Chelsea is single and caring for her ailing mother. Their common thread is their shared struggle as primary caregivers. They discuss daily how difficult it is to balance their own needs with those of their loved ones; Mary often sends Chelsea supportive emails, and Chelsea cooks healthy slow-cooked meals to share with Mary's family; their frequent walks and conversations help them cut out emotional eating.

In theory, like Mary and Chelsea, your partner is both a friend who wants to help you and someone who needs emotional support from you. Often, people are more likely to empathize with you when they understand your struggles or face similar challenges.

Sometimes, having more supportive relationships can be incredibly helpful. If your partner is unavailable or busy with work, you can turn to another for help. Furthermore, a friend might be particularly adept at offering encouragement when you need it, and another might be skilled at gently guiding you when you make a mistake. Different relationships will exhibit different qualities and intensities.

Self-soothing techniques: Mutual support with a partner

Choose a wise companion. This companion should be objective, a good listener, and not interrupt you.

Remember the emotional supporters you've chosen; they only need to offer support, not therapy or advice. You commit to calling each other before emotional eating. Once you feel the urge to eat, pick up the phone quickly. Additionally, you can call each other when you feel vulnerable.

Choose a code word (a neutral word or phrase) and send it over the phone when you need help.

You might also want to motivate yourself with a motto or slogan that reflects your goals; this could be an inspirational quote or a team motto.

You can send encouraging words to your friends via email, leave thoughtful voice messages, or even send a poem via paper letter.

Be a good listener. When you're with your companion, clear your mind of other things. Don't let things go in one ear and out the other, or let your own thoughts distract you. Truly focus on what your companion is saying.

Buy a copy of this book for your partner and read it together. Discuss which techniques work well together and are effective for both of you.

Be responsible for each other. Agree on the number of times to check on each other. Be proactive; call first, instead of waiting for your partner to call you.

Meet regularly. For example, take a walk together every Tuesday evening, call each other every Sunday evening, or send supportive emails every other day.

Establish clear rules and restrictions. When necessary, both parties can say "no."

Offer positive feedback frequently. When you want to do this, start with positive comments and then move on to the problem you want to solve. Make sure you both have equal time to present your points.

Let's reward and celebrate positive change together.

If you can't find a companion, you can contact pen pals or join online virtual support groups (where people have similar issues). Food problems are often influenced by a person's culture, ethnicity, and environment. Writing letters or emailing people you don't know from other backgrounds can be quite interesting. It can also provide a sense of connection to the world. Furthermore, it can help you understand how your culture and friends influence your eating problems.

Self-soothing technique: Take a picture of your loved ones.

Create a photo album filled with comforting pictures-photos of your child's first birthday, prom, favorite vacation spots, etc. Choose photos that easily make you laugh. Flip through the album or look at old photos when you're struggling with food cravings. Then place these photos where you're sure you'll see them (so you can see them when you feel the urge to eat).